18 March, 2014

RELATIONSHIPS - How to make a move on your commute

Today's relationship dilemma comes from Twitter.

'How do you make a move on someone on your commuter train? Total silence and surrounded by people you see every day. Dilemma!'


If you found yourself in this situation in a bar after two large chardonnays it wouldn't be unheard of to stagger up to said chap, introduce yourself and say you've admired him from afar, blah blah blah. The worst case scenario here would be he says he's not interested and you can scuttle to the toilets, do a cry and then buy another wine. Done.

However with a commute situation there are so many unknowns...

Does he already have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend...

Has he even noticed you or is this all a figment of your imagination?

What if you introduce yourself and he's not interested and then you have the rest of the year to deal with uncomfortable train journeys. As if the commute isn't already punishment enough.

What if others around you clock it and secretly make fun of you trying to woo the guy. You'll always be referred to as 'that girl'.

However there are so many positive unknowns too!

What if being 'that girl' is so inspiring to the person sitting next to you that you've inspired her to talk to her train crush. It could be the start of a chain (or train!) reaction!

What if he feels exactly the same way and you both why you waited so long to pluck up enough courage to talk to each other.

What if he talks to you first!

Aaaand relax.

First off you might need to start with a bit of casual conversation. Don't jump in full throttle saying 'I fancy you!' - that is already a recipe for disaster.

I'm assuming you haven't had much, if any contact with him so far but as you are on the same commute and probably in the same carriage each day you pretty much know he'll always be there which is a handy starting point.

So start with saying 'Morning' - ideally as you pass them to sit down. If they are at the opposite end of the carriage perhaps catch their eye with a smile or expression after the driver announces a delay over the tannoy. If he hasn't noticed you before, he definitely will now.

Keep this up but try try try to get a seat or stand next to them. This is key really. Otherwise you'll just be the creepy girl who keeps giving him the eye each morning.

Once you bag a seat next to him perhaps offer him a section of your paper or comment on the weather. A simple one line sentence is all you need at this stage. You don't want to start into full blown conversations too early. No one wants that from a stranger at 7.30am.

The more you can keep doing this the more you will be seen as a familiar face and the more chances you will have to have proper conversations. Conversations should be fun and relaxing. Talk about train delays or train etiquette to begin with. Something lighthearted that he will already relate to. You can then talk more generally to eventually find out his 'situ'.

If the time feels right perhaps ask him where he works, Friday lunchtime wines are always a winning suggestion. It will be super scary to approach him with the idea but hopefully by now you won't be the weirdo on the train but instead the friend on the train.

Now I know this is all very easy for me to preach but really make sure you take any opportunity to make eye contact, smile or say hey. Once that's done the whole process becomes a lot easier! Try and think of it as becoming his friend rather than his babymaker. That way you won't embarrass yourself, you won't have to find a new carriage to sit in and your dignity will remain in tact.

If all this is way too much for you and no matter what happens he still isn't engaging with you, you may need to cut your losses and just go back to daydreaming about him to make your commutes go faster. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

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